I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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