there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
please come you make the beer taste better
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
