I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
