Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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