why didn't you poke me back
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
