i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
