I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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