I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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