Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
