two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
