Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
