She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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