there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
