it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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