There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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