it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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