If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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