i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
