So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
