hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Mom said you looked used
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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