My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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