There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
