I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
