RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
