ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
