He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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