This is not my ceiling
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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