I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
