Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
