my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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