i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
