I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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