Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
