bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
