Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We are two peas in an std pod
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Come on in and take your pants off
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