omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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