I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
