so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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