I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
