So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
