I got chris browned last night
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
