I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
