That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
