You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
