the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
