I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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