Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
