Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
