I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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