I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
