Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Couch. On fire.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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