Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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