How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
