I can text with my tongue
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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