Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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