remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Randomize
