i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
