Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
