Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
