even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
